Back to the Real World

The first day back from vacation sucks. You have to empty your bag, do laundry, prep for work, and try to recover from the adventure. Then, you have to actually GO to work and fake productivity for a few hours. Then, you kind of forget you were ever on vacation and just get back in the groove. Those first 36 hours (or so) are the worst.

I do love a few things about getting home. I love getting to wear clothes that haven't been in a bag for days. I understand this must be at least partially psychological. I think I really just like having options. Sometimes it's nice to not wear the same pair of jeans or shoes 10 days in a row. 

I also love my personal sleeping apparatuses. Apparati? Apparatuses?  Whatever, all my sleepy thingies. I like our bed, like, a ton. I LOVE my pillow along with the second pillow I like to lay over my eyes when I first go to sleep. Yes, I'm a princess. Does temperature count as a "sleepy thingy"? If so, then that, too. Nothing beats a temperate to slightly chilly bedroom for sleeping. Somehow, I constantly get lumpy pillows when we travel. I probably wouldn't bitch as much if the pillows were a bit smoother and filled with goose down. Is that asking too much?

The #1 thing I love when we get home is the shower. In my eyes, there's nothing quite like a US shower. Especially the shower in our current place. The water is always hot and the pressure is awesome. The shower itself is "meh" but I can overlook that. In my experience, it's hard to find this in other places. Colombia was awesome. The country is beautiful. The people were great. But, the showers...eh. Ironically, our hottest shower was in hot and humid Cartagena.

What's the moral of the story? I'm soft. I know it, and I have no shame. I have serious white people problems. If you have the means, I highly recommend it. I guess the full truth is I love to travel, but eventually I like to come home. Even if it's just to rest and plan the next adventure (I rest; Kim plans).

Um, who are you?

My plan to write every day this year went awry on January 3rd. Somewhere between wedding planning and long-distance phone calls and, well, general laziness, the majority of my personal written words have been reserved for Facebook posts and Thank You cards. This seems as good a time as any to get back on the horse.

One of my favorite unexplainable groups of people I’ve met are “Ephemeral Folks”.  I define this group as people you meet for maybe ten total minutes in your entire life but for some reason just make you smile, laugh, cry, uncontrollably pee, etc.

Kim and I had our first mutual Ephemeral Folk experience. It must be shared.

We were up in Healdsburg a few weeks before our wedding doing the last few mundane To-Do’s. Okay fine. We were wine tasting, but it was still hard. I’m not saying who got a bit tipsy, but someone forgot to start pouring out her, I mean “their”, wine whist tasting.  Food was obviously in order after the tasting (Quick alcoholic’s tangent: we had a Chablis and a cocktail with brown butter whiskey – individually – during the tasting. Highly recommended.), so we headed to a nearby restaurant called Mateo’s for some tacones (tacos in cone form) and tamales.

And that’s where we met our Ephemeral Guy. Well, he was probably more of an Ephemeral Dude because, well, he was a super stoner. We sat and the bar and started chatting with him. Everything about him was just tickling us. He’s having fun with the rest of the customers, speaking horrible Spanish and being just generally a stoner.

We mention we’re getting married in town and all. Then he asks Kim “So, you guys been through a lot, huh?” We kind of look at each other and she responds “Uh, not really…” What a strange question!! I mean, that’s the first thing I think to ask when people tell me they are getting hitched. Anyway, we wrap up eating and take off.

End of story? Not so much.

On our wedding day, we were outside our reception venue waiting to enter. We notice a guy riding a skateboard towards us. As he gets closer, I notice it’s the dude from Mateo’s! I say this to Kim and we both proceed to just stare at him as he rides past. He sees us and yells out “Hey, guys! Congratulations!” and just continues cruising. Another perfect little event o add to a perfect day.

The presumable end of this story came last weekend. We returned to Mateo’s with some family and friends. I arrived after everyone else. I walked in with my sunglasses on and got about half way through the restaurant when our Ephemeral Dude spoke up from behind the bar.

“Hey, you just got married, right? I even recognize you behind the shades!”

People recognizing me in and of itself is not strange (we’ll get into this another time), but this specific guy recognizing me – even behind my “shades” – was the cake topper. As we left, he again said congratulations to us and then told us it was his last day of work as he was moving to Mexico to start making tequila. I can’t even say I was the least bit surprised that our Ephemeral Dude was making this sort of life decision.

The Ephemeral Folks, by definition, don’t stick around long, but they definitely add a unique spice to life. I can’t wait for my next one. Do you have any who can top our Ephemeral Dude?

Busy, Busy (and full of excuses)

My initial 2012 New Year's Resolution was to attempt to write every day. With everything going on in my tiny little world, that has proven a bit more difficult than I had hoped.

(Before I get going, I understand that many people are busy with kids and families and shit. Whatever. I'm single and the things that stress me out are different from the things that stress you out. But that's okay!! Just because your problems are kid-related does not make them the only problems people are allowed to complain about!  Whew, it felt good to get that out.).

First, there's the wedding planning. Then work. Then having a seriously long distance relationship. And then all the little normal events that move in to suck up any potential free time. Really, I'm just making excuses but still.

But the truth is I have felt extremely stressed this year. Kim in Singapore has proven to be the most taxing item on the list. First, we MUST talk on the phone. I usually am not a big fan in general, but with the big time change, shitty cell phone networks, and stupid business hours, the problems are exacerbated. I really hate that we've had the phone as our main means of communication (what is this: 2005?). Thankfully, she's moving back soon.

And then there's wedding planning. I guess I knew that weddings were a lot of work, but you never fully KNOW until you're directly involved in it. So many decisions need to be made, reserved, purchased, rented, tailored, etc. And one big issue is I need to Kim help me with 98% of things I work on - partially because I'm an idiot and partially because I, being a guy, had no real vision for what I wanted for my wedding. But she does. And I don't want to fuck any of that up, so I mostly acquiesce to her and hope that everything I touch doesn't crumble to the ground. This, by the way, is a very shitty strategy from a fiancé point-of-view which in turn adds stress to Kim's life. 

Finally, work. It's been busy to say the least. I think I've been working more to kind of keep myself busy so as to not stress about Kim being so far away or the wedding planning going awry. Which also means I've been working a ton. Additionally, we have so much shit to do that I don't feel I ever get anything done. I really am just an individual contributor (i.e. not a founder or someone of significant title so my financial stake is very tiny) at work, but I do feel a sense of duty to work my butt off and put in the extra time. I have no idea why. I guess I could cut back, but then I feel I'm not doing my part. Where did this stupid work ethic come from?

With attempting to stay fit (abject failure) and other minor commitments (birthdays, family trips, etc), I basically have little to no free time. Which means that when I get free time I want to a) scream really loud and b) turn my brain off and do something which requires zero critical thinking including watching TV and drinking. 

Excuses, excuses. 

I need to quit making excuses and finish the things I want to finish. The good news is Kim will be back soon (and my iPhone can go back to being used as mostly a toilet-time device) and the wedding work will wrap up by September (by definition). Two stressful things off the list. And I recently signed up for a CrossFit class to force me into shape. After that, I just need to figure out how to be a great husband...shit...

Over the river and through the woods…

Everyone has people in their lives they sincerely cherish.  For many it's their spouse/partner.  For others, it's close friends or family members.  One of the most cherished people in my life is my grandma. 

 

Whenever I drive to my grandma's house, I pass through a thousand memories from my childhood.  

-          Kenmore Air Harbor where my grandma worked

-          Nu Lite Chinese restaurant where we'd go for Sunday dinners (no longer open...)

-          Bartell's drug store and their brown grab bags.

The nostalgia peaks when I turn the corner and head down the hill towards my grandma's house.  Although it’s seen better days, her house represents so many wonderful days from my youth.  It was a castle on an outdoor play land: Tree swings, brobdingnagian (yep, I just used it) rocks, wide-open fields, bikes rides, etc.  I spent a number of summers before the age of 12 with my grandparents and without my actual family – I felt so grown-up getting on that airplane by myself and heading up to Seattle!

The aura around my grandma and her house didn’t end in my pre-teen years.  I moved in with her for the summer between high school and college, and, although I was bigger and taller, she was still the same magical person from my youth.

I returned to Seattle for a visit this past weekend and spent a few hours with my grandma and my sister’s family.  Watching my niece zoom around the house reminded me of my childhood with my grandma in that house and the influence she’s had on my life.  Now, I may not think of my grandma every day, but she and my grandpa provided key elements to the back bone of my world: love, joy, happiness, family.  And I thought of how my mom and dad will be that influence to my niece; the thought brought a big smile to my face.

Even when she’s gone and her house is bought, sold, rebuilt, or replaced, I’ll still have those lessons and memories from a fortunate childhood.

Goal: Write More

My promise to write often on this blog has fallen on hard times. With work and all the other personal stuff swirling around my mind, I've put writing on the back burner. Well, I'm attempting to move it back to the front burner!

I've made a goal to write every day for at least 30 minutes. Why? I enjoy writing, and I would like to do it more. Also, I think I get caught up trying to write these long posts and get a little frustrated when I can't finish them. The shorter period may not lead to more posts, but it will hopefully lead to efforts on longer posts that will be posted at a later date.

Upcoming thoughts:
Being a Best Man
Traveling - Singapore, Bali, and Vietnam
If marriage is easy, divorce should be more difficult
Why have I a recently been off of the cooking bandwagon.

And many others.

This is Day 1...let's see how it goes.

Location:Castro St,San Francisco,United States

The Cure for Aging

What if a scientist discovered the cure for aging? What if, the day you received this “cure” you’re physical body quit aging (with the only constraint being you can still die from cancer, falling off a cliff, being eaten by a honey badger, etc.)? Would it change who you are, how you live, and what you do with your life? I recently read the book “The Postmortal” by Drew Magary which tackles this science fictional twist.

Overall, I enjoyed the book. I’m really interested in dystopian (negative utopian) fiction books (ala 1984 or Fahrenheit 451, etc). Not because I imagine the worst in the world, but because they cause me to imagine how I would act if I were a character. I relish a book that causes introspection – What would I do if Big Brother were watching each and every breath I took?   Would I acquiesce or would I fight back?

 

I think everyone would like to imagine they’d fight back. Everyone would like to imagine they’d be moral and decent and caring. But would they be? As I read “The Postmortal”, my mind raced with thoughts on how my world would morph if I could live forever.

How would my love life change?

In the book, marriage becomes a punch line. Why would you permanently bind yourself to another person for eternity? It’s way too hard to imagine the person you’ll become over 5 lifetimes.

I’m a bit of a romantic when it comes to love, so this would be challenging for me. I love the thought of growing old with someone your madly in love with. You’re choosing to share the limited years you are given with another person, and there’s something special about that.

The most interesting aspect is you could take longer to settle down. From what I’ve seen in my world, I think some people may rush into marriage as there are time constraints on some things: meeting someone your own age, kids, retirement, etc. But what if you could safely and easily have kids into your 70’s? Although, as noted in the book, women would have their period pretty much forever. I have no idea if this is good or bad…

How would my professional life change?

At times I feel distracted by money. Like one of the main goals of my present world is to attain enough money so eventually I a) don’t have to worry about money, and b) don’t have to work anymore. If I were an immortal at the age of 31, it would be pretty much impossible to plan for a retirement or for financial comfort when you have no perspective on what to plan for.

Also, you can literally work every career you’ve ever been interested in. Like to cook? Be a chef for a decade. Get tired of the hours? Go to law school. Etc. That could be very freeing as you would never have to worry if you made the right decision about your career – you can start over with no consequences! Maybe it would make you bolder at work…but maybe a bit lackadaisical. Why put in the effort if you’re leaving in 10 years? I have such a diverse set of interests that this would be my favorite part of eternal life!

Would I want to have kids?

Wouldn’t it be weird to physically be 30 years old and have a child who’s physically the same age? In some wasys I want kids and in others I don’t, but I would still have a child. You’d get a good chunk of time to raise kids, and see how you feel about the whole process. Then you’d have a few options: never have kids again (especially if they’re anything like my sister…), be content with the kids you had, or have a new family every 25 years. I’d probably shoot for the second one (I am vehemently against overpopulation.  J)

Would I travel less to see my non-local family and friends?

Would I cherish the important people in my life in the manner I currently do? If my parents aren’t getting any older would I feel an impetus to visit them a few times a year, or would I start to feel like once or twice every few decades is okay? I’d like to say I’d keep heading up at the same rate, but I’d probably worry a bit less about not seeing them since they’d be around for a lot longer. Sad but probably true.

How much would I hate everyone else on earth?

The characters in the book lose empathy for their fellow man. Since no one dies naturally, the world becomes overpopulated, resources become scarce, and everything pretty much goes down the shitter.

I’m an idealist. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they are decent unless they prove otherwise. We are extremely lucky in American that generally we don’t have to worry about going hungry or being killed on a whim. Sadly, I’d probably swing away from this and be mad at the guys next door as he could be robbing food, water, supplies from me & my loved ones. I’d probably buy a gun if everyone were immortal. Just in case.

The big lesson is, if tomorrow we all of a sudden could live forever, our entire moral basis would be flipped on its head. Some things would be good, and some would be bad. Death is the ultimate human event, right? Maybe one step below being born? We lose a bit of our humanity without that “Stop” sign at the end of the road. Then again, isn’t every human on earth trying to LIVE in their own little way? Regardless, I am not looking forward to death, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious what’s out there… then again, it’d be fun to live another 200 years just to see where this all ends up.

A Sad Day for the Mejia Household

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while – unfortunately, work has been getting in the way.

I sold my 2003 Dodge Neon on July 25^th, 2011. Although most would consider her a crappy car, I had a special love for Nelly. I bought her new, and she carried me from Washington to Los Angeles to Davis and finally to San Francisco. She safely transported me on a 12 hour drive through a crazy blizzard in Tahoe. She drove me (ok, I drive her, but you get the point) to work every day for 8 years and never had a major breakdown. She’d been with me through love, pain, friendship, anger, despair, change, and a million other life events. She was even famous amongst a large swath of my friend circle (although there was probably a lot of tongue-in-cheek, I was amazed at the number of people who were a bit sad about the car selling).

I’m not sure if it’s like this in other countries, but cars are such a huge part of the American being. It starts when you get your first bicycle as a kid – the bike represents your first bit of freedom from your family, your first taste of life that is out beyond your front yard. As you hit your teens and get your driver’s license, you borrow the car and venture even further away. In college…well, my friends and I did a lot of stupid shit in cars, but the car was still a central figure in many of our most cherished stories – my buddy Chris driving 15 people around in his Chevy pick-up, rally crashing my Cherokee into a sign post, my roomie Ben driving us to the Jack-in-the-Box one block from our house at 2AM, etc.

Basically, some of the best (or at least most memorable) events of my life were at a minimum accompanied by cars if not defined by them. And my Neon was no exception.

Now, some would say maybe I’m blowing the owning of a $10,000 car out of proportion. I don’t think it’s necessarily about the car itself but more about what I’ve been through with that car – all the good and bad history of my life that Nelly accompanied me on. I feel a sense of moving on into another portion of my life. All in all, this is a good thing, but if you don’t feel at least a bit sad about moving on, maybe you didn’t get everything you should have from that chapter of your life.

So farewell Nelly. I really will miss you. I hope you help your next owner gets as much out of their life accompanied by you as I did. Excuse me; I have to go change the headlight bulb in my “new” car.

KM