Has anyone seen my emotional stability?

I’m not much of a crier. Historically, it’s been really hard to talk my tear ducts into operation. I never cried at weddings or movies or season finales of “The Biggest Loser”. I was the proverbial Rock of Gibraltar. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve cried in the last 15 years and most involve the death of a family member. For instance, I bawled like a two year old when my childhood dog Boomer died a few years back when flying home from Christmas. But who doesn’t love a 27 year old guy crying rivers on a bus?

Emotional indifference is inherent with being a guy from the age of 15 to…well…it’s just an inherent part of being a guy. Or at least I thought it was. As I’ve gotten older, my glass case of emotion has gained a few cracks. Two very recent events have caused me to question my earlier hypothesis of my emotional stability.

Story #1

My best friend from college was married last weekend in Austin. My biggest worries were delivering my best man speech without crapping my pants and not sweating through all eight layers of my tux (Aside: Chris, why did you punish us with wearing tuxedos in the Austin summer. You’re an a$$hole.). Up until the wedding ceremony, the weekend had gone well. I hung out with my buds from college, drank some beer, ate some Texas barbeque, etc. Good times.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was seeing Chris’ parents who I haven’t seen in forever. His dad is a bit older than most people’s parents at our age, and I was a bit tripped out as he had aged so much since I last saw him. So, as the bride and groom were walking out after the ceremony, Chris’ dad stuck his hand out for a handshake. They shake hands, and I just about lose my shit. I’m thinking of kicking puppies, hand guns, grilling steaks – basically anything manly I could think of to restrain the tears in my eyes. Thankfully, I kept it together. Why did that hit me so hard? Did it make me think of my dad? Did it make me think of him missing some “important” milestone in my life? Who knows?

Story #2

Last week, my girlfriend moved to Singapore for a year. Now, I have never been one to cry during airport goodbyes. I can appreciate them in a “Love Actually” sort of way…did I just write that? Anyway, there we are saying our goodbyes when all of a sudden the freaking waterworks start. So, now I’m trying to comfort my gf while also wiping the waterfall from my eyes to avoid total emasculation. Problem not averted because this kept up as I was walking back to my car. I was “that guy” walking through the airport crying like a 3 year old.

What the hell has happened to me lately? Let’s explore some hypotheses:

Possibility #1: I’m getting old. Maybe we lose control over our emotions as we get older, kind of like we lose control of our bowels. This is too depressing to imagine as truth

Possibility #2: I’ve been in denial about my emotions –I’ve been bottling it up for so long, it was bound to burst. This seems too logical…

Possibility #3: I’m in love…oh, god, is this where my life is headed?

Possibility #4: I actually have a soul. Possible, but not likely.

Possibility #5: The gf has softened me. If it’s her fault, I’m getting rid of her.

Possibility #6: I think it’s my niece’s fault. Yes, I’m blaming a two year-old. Hear me out. I know she’s not my kid, but somehow she made my Grinch-like heart grow to five times its original size.  Every time I see her, I just have to make googly baby sounds as she makes me so happy!! What the hell is up with that?! It’s all her fault!!

Well, whatever the problem is, I’m not happy about the change. I’m gonna go kick a puppy and steal some candy from a baby to try to regain some manhood. Hopefully, I can keep my whimpering to a minimum.

KM